Almost Was
by Someone aka Me
Summary: Padma does not regret the child who almost was, but she does grieve for the life they might have had. :: warnings for sex under the influence of alcohol, teen pregnancy, abortion


Warnings for: sex while under the influence of alcohol, abortion

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As Padma stares at the results from the pregnancy test spell, floating in the air in front of her, she begins to cry.

 _Positive._

She's having a child. She's having a baby.

She can't wait to tell Dean.

 _She can't wait_.

And God, but she remembers the last time she did this, sitting in her bed and pointing her wand at her abdomen, eighteen years old and _fucking terrified_ because she hadn't had her period in two months and _she couldn't be pregnant._

…

Positive _, the word reads, and Padma begins to weep. She can't do this. She's eighteen. She's going to be a Healer. She has classes; she has a life._

 _She can't have a baby that she doesn't know how to care for._

 _She can't have a baby when she doesn't even know the father's name._

 _She'd gone to a pub because she was tired. She'd had a long day, and she'd been thrown up on — twice — and she wanted to feel beautiful and desirable. She was eighteen, and she was still allowed a little teenage rebellion. She'd put on her tightest dress and her reddest lipstick, and gone to the nearest pub._

 _It had worked. Two drinks in, neither of them paid for by her, and she was feeling much more alive than she had in a long time. A cute, presumably Muggle man in a black t-shirt and a blue button up — unbuttoned, sleeves rolled up to the elbows — had come by to chat with her, and he'd bought her sweet, fruity drinks. His hair was dark black, tight curls that Padma wanted to run her hands through as she kissed him. His skin was dark and smooth and unblemished. The t-shirt showed off his tight stomach. His jeans were painted on so tight she could see the outline of his phone in his pocket. His voice was mellifluous, and she was entranced by it._

 _He was exactly what she was looking for._

 _And maybe the third drink was one too many, and maybe she shouldn't be making out with a Muggle in a dark alley outside of a slightly sketchy pub, but_ fuck _all of that. It was her life, and her choice, and he made her feel_ wanted _._

 _So when he asked if she wanted to come back to his place, she said yes._

 _And maybe if she had been sober, she would have insisted on contraceptives._

 _And maybe if she had been sober, she would have remembered his name._

 _Or maybe not, because maybe he had never told her._

 _In the end, it didn't matter._

 _In the end, Padma wound up putting on her shoes as he lit a cigarette, both of them feeling satisfied._

 _Until two months later._

 _Until the pregnancy test that confirms her worst fears._

Positive _._

 _What the hell is she supposed to do now?_

 _She gives herself the day. She cries, eats a tub of Florean Fortescue's ice cream, and sits on the couch in her pajamas._

 _The next day is for planning. She weighs out her options. She wants to talk to Parvati, but she also doesn't want to, and in the end she chooses not to._

 _Instead, she goes to the Ministry, tells them she's going on vacation, and schedules a Portkey across the country, far away from anyone who knows who she is or where she's from. She takes three days off of work._

 _She goes to the Healers and says, with conviction, "I would like an abortion."_

 _The nurse flinches. "Are you sure?"_

" _Yes," says Padma, because she is. She has thought this through. She cannot give this child the life it deserves. She cannot take the time off of her studies to go through a pregnancy. She is eighteen, and her support system is comprised of her sister and her parents who would disown her for having a child out of wedlock. The Wizarding World is not kind to children who need adopting, and she will not give a magical child to Muggles who would not understand it._

 _Yes, Padma is sure._

 _They try to talk her out of it. They try to make her feel guilty. She will not._

 _This is her choice, and her body, and her life. She will not bring a child into a world where it is not wanted._

 _In the end, they cannot refuse her._

 _In the end, it seems too simple. The Healer casts a spell, and Padma is free to leave._

 _She goes home, and she cries for the child that might have been._

…

Padma doesn't regret the choice she made, six years ago. Especially not now, with the perspective she now has. She could not have cared for a child, alone and still a child herself.

The Wizarding World is getting kinder to those who need adopting, as Harry champions this as his current cause and the world listens to Harry. But it is still not kind, only kinder.

She has never told anyone about the child who almost was.

She wonders now, who that child could have become. If they would've been a Healer, like their mother. If they would've been a Ravenclaw, like her, or a Gryffindor, like their aunt, or something else of their very own. She wonders if they would've liked books, or flying, or potions.

And as she cries tears of happiness for her new child, she also allows herself to grieve, just a little, the child that might have been.

…

Written for:

Assignment: Sex Ed, Task Two: Write about someone getting pregnant.

Book Club (WC): Lana Lazar: (occupation) healer, (object) cigarette, (trope) teenage rebellion,

TV show of the Month (WC): Molly Hooper: (object) Lipstick, (word) Sweet, (occupation) Healer,

Buttons (WC): object: phone, word: money

Character appreciation (WC): relationship: mother.

Showtime (WC) _So Big / So Small - (style) Flashback_

Bath Bombs: Chocolate Kisses - Write about kissing someone the character shouldn't.

Stickers: Hogwarts Express — a long journey across the country

Weekly Tea: Indian Spice - Write about Parvati or Padma.

Insane House: 423. Word: mellifluous

365 prompts: 125. Event: pregnancy

Dragons: word count (913)

Fanfic Month: word count (913)


End file.
